I’m not a huge tv fan, but every now and then I find a show I really enjoy. Like many other harmony-challenged women, I’ve been watching Glee. Quinn’s unplanned pregnancy storyline was somewhat interesting, although I really watch for the musical numbers and star cameos.

Unfortunately, last night’s episode annoyed me. In fact, the way they are handling adoption is starting to irk me. I understand tv is drama and the more provocative the topic, the better the ratings, but turning Quinn into a first mother who is plotting to take back the child she placed for adoption is annoying. I wish they could find a better way to portray the emotions behind making an adoption plan. What kind of message are we sending when a hugely popular show turns the pretty, blond cheerleader into an emotionally damaged, potentially criminal, birth mother?

My guess is, by the end of the season, things will be wrapped up nicely and Quinn will be at peace with her choice to make an adoption plan. I’m hoping her path there will be dealt with compassion and with respect toward each person in the adoption triad. In the meantime, I’ll have to think long and hard about whether I will be watching the rest of Glee this season.

Little Lassie (LL) just started preschool. FlyGuy and I are currently struggling with how much information to share with her teacher regarding adoption. I am a teacher and I believe we should share how our family was created with LL’s teacher. I think it will help the teacher identify any red flags that may come up as LL becomes more aware of what adoption means.

FlyGuy worries that LL could be treated differently if the school is made aware of our situation. As a teacher, I trust LL’s educators to deal with adoption considerately and compassionately. All the articles and suggestions we have received say to go with our gut. Well, in a nutshell, my gut is telling me something different than FlyGuy’s gut is telling him.

This feels big and I don’t want to make a mistake. We’ve been discussing adoption with Little Lassie for years. She gives no indication of distress or even much interest when we talk about how we created our family. I know this is an age appropriate reaction. I want to be prepared for the next step, so we can address any questions LL may have about how she joined our family. (Little Lassie came to us at year old. Her story is somewhat unique. She lived with her birth parents until the day she was placed in our home. We haven’t exactly shared these details with LL yet. Thus far we have simply discussed the concept of her adoption and having a first family.)

I need to start posting again because things are changing. Writing about life and change gets me to think about what is going on instead of zoning out and going through the motions. To start, here is a list of things I should have posted about during the year.

1. There was a young woman at the hospital who looked at us longingly in the pre-op room just before our sons went into surgery. She was alone, I had my husband with me. Her look of longing at my husband, at our family, must have mirrored what I looked like during infertility treatments when I saw mothers with children. I wanted to tell her that I understood she felt alone, but I was embarrassed at my good fortune of having a child and a spouse. Humbling.

2. I don’t like some members of my children’s birth families. I also don’t like some members of my own family, but I feel more guilt for not liking some of my children’s birth relatives.

3. I’m a mother now, have been (through adoption) for 3+ years and some of my friends still feel sorry for me and the effort it took to create our family. This makes me angry. I don’t want pity. I want everyone to celebrate the family I have. I worked hard to put my infertile past behind me, but I’m left wondering if I’m giving off a vib that invites pity. Everyone has baggage. I don’t like the extra baggage infertility has dropped into my life.

My new goal is to write every day for a week, starting today.