Comments for Eggs Benedict Arnold http://eggsbenedictarnold.com When your own eggs turn traitor - A story of high fsh, inconsiderate ovaries, infertility, adoption and now motherhood. Fri, 20 Jan 2012 14:27:36 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 Comment on AdoptLit Book Tour: Found a Memoir by Jennifer Lauck by Lea http://eggsbenedictarnold.com/2012/01/15/adoptlit-book-tour-found-a-memoir-by-jennifer-lauck/comment-page-1/#comment-26935 Lea Fri, 20 Jan 2012 14:27:36 +0000 http://eggsbenedictarnold.com/?p=714#comment-26935 Just to clarify, when I said "the baby is ours, not the surrogate's" I meant to focus on the point that the baby is meant for us, to come into our care, just like when a baby is adopted either immediately at birth or at some time thereafter, the baby is yours. I didn't want it to sound like I was focusing on the biological, because I'm not-in fact, our baby born from a surrogate will be conceived using donor eggs. I wonder what the adoption trauma theorists would think of that?? ; ) Just to clarify, when I said “the baby is ours, not the surrogate’s” I meant to focus on the point that the baby is meant for us, to come into our care, just like when a baby is adopted either immediately at birth or at some time thereafter, the baby is yours. I didn’t want it to sound like I was focusing on the biological, because I’m not-in fact, our baby born from a surrogate will be conceived using donor eggs. I wonder what the adoption trauma theorists would think of that?? ; )

]]> Comment on AdoptLit Book Tour: Found a Memoir by Jennifer Lauck by Lea http://eggsbenedictarnold.com/2012/01/15/adoptlit-book-tour-found-a-memoir-by-jennifer-lauck/comment-page-1/#comment-26934 Lea Fri, 20 Jan 2012 14:14:26 +0000 http://eggsbenedictarnold.com/?p=714#comment-26934 I haven't read the entire post yet, but I wanted to stop and comment on the first part, regarding the terror a baby may feel at being given up for adoption at birth or later. I feel extremely skeptical about this, and I think it may be adults projecting their feelings onto the child. Please know I was not adopted and haven't done a ton of research on the topic, but I know adopted children who have happy lives and no trauma. The reason why the views you cited interest me is that after struggling for 7 years with infertility, my husband and I have reached what I feel is the pinnacle of ART (! :) ) and are trying to conceive a baby using a surrogate. We are still working on the process, but the plan is to be there during the birth, and the baby will be ours immediately. It seems to me, according to the book you read, just because the baby did not come out of me, there is going to be trauma. I would like to think that is not true. How can it be? The baby is ours, not the surrogate's. After all, I don't think babies are sentient or aware enough at such a young age to realize what just happened, or precisely who has the right to hold them and become their caregiver. In the case of surrogacy or adoption, I think it's only a big deal for the baby if you make it into one. (I am only talking about supposed trauma at the time of birth or young adoption. I understand that coming to terms with being adopted is something some people probably grapple with later in life.) Anyway, I just find the theory about birth and adoption trauma to be really troubling. I agree much more with your point that if your daughter had spent the first year of her life with you, she would not have experienced the difficulties of being in a home where it was a struggle to keep her well cared for. I haven’t read the entire post yet, but I wanted to stop and comment on the first part, regarding the terror a baby may feel at being given up for adoption at birth or later. I feel extremely skeptical about this, and I think it may be adults projecting their feelings onto the child. Please know I was not adopted and haven’t done a ton of research on the topic, but I know adopted children who have happy lives and no trauma. The reason why the views you cited interest me is that after struggling for 7 years with infertility, my husband and I have reached what I feel is the pinnacle of ART (! :) ) and are trying to conceive a baby using a surrogate. We are still working on the process, but the plan is to be there during the birth, and the baby will be ours immediately. It seems to me, according to the book you read, just because the baby did not come out of me, there is going to be trauma. I would like to think that is not true. How can it be? The baby is ours, not the surrogate’s. After all, I don’t think babies are sentient or aware enough at such a young age to realize what just happened, or precisely who has the right to hold them and become their caregiver. In the case of surrogacy or adoption, I think it’s only a big deal for the baby if you make it into one. (I am only talking about supposed trauma at the time of birth or young adoption. I understand that coming to terms with being adopted is something some people probably grapple with later in life.)
Anyway, I just find the theory about birth and adoption trauma to be really troubling. I agree much more with your point that if your daughter had spent the first year of her life with you, she would not have experienced the difficulties of being in a home where it was a struggle to keep her well cared for.

]]> Comment on AdoptLit Book Tour: Found a Memoir by Jennifer Lauck by Melynda http://eggsbenedictarnold.com/2012/01/15/adoptlit-book-tour-found-a-memoir-by-jennifer-lauck/comment-page-1/#comment-26905 Melynda Tue, 17 Jan 2012 04:18:54 +0000 http://eggsbenedictarnold.com/?p=714#comment-26905 Just making the rounds to all of the participants in the book tour so please forgive the copy and paste job. :) (I am trying to get to bed before 11:00 p.m. tonight!) As I have read every single book tour participant's blog posts (haven't commented on all of them, but I have read them all!), I have been longing for a way that we could standardize our impressions, etc. Would you be willing to rate this book on a scale from one to five, one being the lowest and five being the highest. Also, would you recommend this book to others? Who? Can you sum up your feelings about the book in two or three sentences? I can't help myself...I'm a mixed methods researchers and love to have numbers to go along with people's experiences! Thanks so much for humoring me on this one. Melynda Just making the rounds to all of the participants in the book tour so please forgive the copy and paste job. :) (I am trying to get to bed before 11:00 p.m. tonight!)

As I have read every single book tour participant’s blog posts (haven’t commented on all of them, but I have read them all!), I have been longing for a way that we could standardize our impressions, etc. Would you be willing to rate this book on a scale from one to five, one being the lowest and five being the highest. Also, would you recommend this book to others? Who? Can you sum up your feelings about the book in two or three sentences?

I can’t help myself…I’m a mixed methods researchers and love to have numbers to go along with people’s experiences!

Thanks so much for humoring me on this one.

Melynda

]]> Comment on AdoptLit Book Tour: Found a Memoir by Jennifer Lauck by Susan http://eggsbenedictarnold.com/2012/01/15/adoptlit-book-tour-found-a-memoir-by-jennifer-lauck/comment-page-1/#comment-26902 Susan Mon, 16 Jan 2012 20:42:44 +0000 http://eggsbenedictarnold.com/?p=714#comment-26902 I love your point about the value of your bond as an adoptive parent. I feel it every day with my kids and I know it's true - I make them feel safe; they crave my love and reassurance. I do not replace their birthparents but I am uniquely important in their hearts. Thank you for expressing that. I love your point about the value of your bond as an adoptive parent. I feel it every day with my kids and I know it’s true – I make them feel safe; they crave my love and reassurance. I do not replace their birthparents but I am uniquely important in their hearts. Thank you for expressing that.

]]> Comment on AdoptLit Book Tour: Found a Memoir by Jennifer Lauck by Dawn Davenport http://eggsbenedictarnold.com/2012/01/15/adoptlit-book-tour-found-a-memoir-by-jennifer-lauck/comment-page-1/#comment-26895 Dawn Davenport Mon, 16 Jan 2012 13:47:03 +0000 http://eggsbenedictarnold.com/?p=714#comment-26895 I liked how you emphasized that a child can have more than one important bond. "If a primal bond is strong because it is primal, perhaps an adoptive bond is strong because it is adopted or created out of necessity. This is the foundation of my belief about the bond I have with my children. I find that when I honor my bond with my daughter and the bond she has with her birth mother, I am more able to accept the feelings between my daughter and her birth mother, thus I am able to have honest conversations regarding my daughter’s origins." So true. Thank you for pointing it out. I liked how you emphasized that a child can have more than one important bond. “If a primal bond is strong because it is primal, perhaps an adoptive bond is strong because it is adopted or created out of necessity. This is the foundation of my belief about the bond I have with my children. I find that when I honor my bond with my daughter and the bond she has with her birth mother, I am more able to accept the feelings between my daughter and her birth mother, thus I am able to have honest conversations regarding my daughter’s origins.” So true. Thank you for pointing it out.

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