I don’t know, Lassie. Perhaps one of those “thinking of you” type cards. You could make a slight allusion to their pain, and reiterate that they are welcome to make contact to see how she is, etc. A card means you don’t have to write TOO much. Have you told them that thing about giving you to her?

It’s a hard one. Since you just sent an update, I agree that it doesn’t make sense to repeat that.

I’d probably send something that LL had “helped” make (like a finger painting or hand print) along with a picture of her making it. And a brief note that simply said I think of them often, wonder what the past year has been like for them, and that the door is always open when they are ready. I would feel weird about thanking them or guessing at what they’re feeling, but that’s just me.

Your love for LL and your compassion for her birth family is so evident. I think it will be evident to them, too, in whatever you end up sending.

I think this is like other hard times in people’s lives — don’t try to guess what they are feeling, but just say what you feel. Nicely. “We miss having you around and we want Little Lassie to keep having you in her life. Is there anything we can do to make it easier for you to visit Little Lassie? Always know that we’d love to see you.” Or something.

I agree at not guessing at their feelings or more to the point in my mind, not put words to their feelings. Stick to yours. Express what you do here. Your love and your gratitude. I know (trust me, I know) it does not feel like enough . . . but that love is the reason they gave you to LL in the first place (I love how you put it that way to, they gave you to her not her to you.)

Speak from your heart. Your love, kindness and gratitude DO shine through your words.

I struggle with this too . . . wondering what they want to know, what kinds of photos and so on. You’re not alone in that feeling that is for sure.

I think the birthday layered on top of it all makes the emotion so much more too maybe (but there I am putting words to your emotions and theirs!)

I do express my gratitude in every note I send N’s first family.

that’s a tough question. so, so hard to decide. the bm’s we met said that we should let them lead the way. i think *I* would let them reach out to me. But, either way, will be okay.
and in the end, i am not you–so no matter what you should follow your gut.

I Like the idea of sending something that LL made and taking pictures of her doing it. It is more personal and different form what they just got at Christmas. Sending it in a card gives you a chance to write a few things but not too much. Just a simple, thinking of you, and hoping you are well, letting them know the door is open when they are ready.

i say send her a locket